BloomingRoseXeniia on DeviantArthttps://www.deviantart.com/bloomingrosexeniia/art/D-e-s-p-a-i-r-482479205BloomingRoseXeniia

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D e s p a i r

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Description

This is for the GetDailyDeviations "To Tell a Story" contest.

So for me this graphic holds a personal story..

(back story)

Not long after having my son I got diagnosed with postpartum depression (PDD) and anxiety!!

I still suffer with depression and anxiety now, but I can cope better now..

In the beginning it was awful as I didn't realize I had it, I just had all these awful feelings and didn't know why I was feeling that way!!

Not only was I suffering with PDD and anxiety, but then I had to face the realization that my fiance/my sons father was no longer happy being with me, and that he thought I was making the PDD/anxiety up!!

He didn't support me, which made me feel worse!! We had been together since I was 15, my first love, my best friend, my sons daddy!!

It was hard, it still is now!!

Not only was I going through that, but I had to go back to work sooner rather than later so I could support me and my son!!
So 13 weeks later I went back to work, doing two 15 hour shifts a week!!

I went through everyday feeling like crap, I was feeling empty, and angry!! I withdrew from all my friends as they were my Ex's friends too. I withdrew from my family and would snap at them, and shout for no reason!!

I was barely sleeping from having a newborn, but I also couldn't sleep as my brain just wouldn't shut down (I'm still like this now)
I lost my appetite, and I just felt hopeless!! I felt like whats the point. I felt despair!!

I went to the doctors and got referred to see a counsellor who specializes in PDD and anxiety!!

She was okay, but all the medication that she decided to put me on made me either feel more angry, or they would make me feel like a zombie... I didn't care about anything when I was on them!! Like I was detached from myself!!

Anyone who knew me before having my son will remember that I was always happy, bubbly, full of life!!

I know this is kind of a long story, and many probably wont read it!!

But this is my story, and it's part of who I am!! I still struggle some days, but others I'm okay!!!

Depression is a KILLER!!!

Anyone who has suffered/still suffering with depression or PDD/anxiety....you will understand all these feelings, and how difficult it is to get out of bed some days!!!

My son was my biggest healer...because no matter how awful I felt...he was my light in the dark!!

Just to see him smile, or to hear his laugh was what got me through the darker days!!

This may not be the kind of story that was wanted for the contest....but this is a real story!!!

The circle/bubble represents how I shut myself off from the world...how I suffered alone for a while..

The sarcophagus
represents how some days I just felt dead inside...and occasionally wished for it.. (morbid I know..but honest)

The smoke represents how I'm slowly rising above the depression and anxiety..

The bird is me slowly freeing myself from the silent killer..

The lights at the top represent my son...he was my light in the darkness!! And everyday he makes me better!!



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Full View is ALWAYS a better view!!

♥ Please let me know what you think..

♥ Please DON'T steal, copy, edit or borrow any of my work especially without my permission to do so first!!

Thank you && Enjoy...


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♥ Resources Used ♥

♥ The Model - By Faestock faestock.deviantart.com/ - faestock.deviantart.com/art/Me…

♥ Texture/Background - Mine ♥

♥ Texture/Background - By krypteriahg - krypteriahg.deviantart.com/ - krypteriahg.deviantart.com/art…

♥ Sarcophagus Stock - By theungood-stock - theungood-stock.deviantart.com… - theungood-stock.deviantart.com…

♥ Dove Stock - By mariamurphyart - mariamurphyart.deviantart.com/ - mariamurphyart.deviantart.com/…

♥ Smoke Brushes - By falln-brushes - falln-brushes.deviantart.com/ - falln-brushes.deviantart.com/a…

♥ Abstract Brushes - By miss-deviante - miss-deviante.deviantart.com/ - miss-deviante.deviantart.com/a…

♥ Other details && coloring by me (Xenia Downs) on photoshop ♥
Image size
3200x2000px 2.8 MB
© 2014 - 2024 BloomingRoseXeniia
Comments73
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RavensQuill's avatar
Beautiful in its darkness. I'm glad you have such strength in you, and wish you the best of luck with your little one. They are treasures. :huggle: